First of all fuck 'Q': The letter 'Q' NEEDS 'U'.  Who are you 'Q'?  It's a Queer version of the letter O.  O with a dick – Q, and it needs you – U.  Pussy.  And fuck the word Qi, and any word that uses Q without U.  Not words.  Either African literature or Chinese bullshit.  Get off the scrabble board immigrants.  And stop teekin' are jobs.  If 'Q' is ever planning on starting off a sentence or becoming a proper noun – then it should bring the 'U' up to the Capital also.  It leaves him down in the lowercase projects like it doesn't need him.  It needs him.

Now a QUick QUestion:  how do you work leather well without buffing it?  I'm at a crossroads here.  I purchased Waxium™ from Timberland, but it's telling me to work the leather well without buffing it.  Listen, there is not doubt that I want to freshen up the Tims', but I don't want to end up looking like Gene Kelly.  I'm serious here.  How do you WORK leather WELL without buffing it?  If I'm working leather I'm working the shit out of it.  "Buffing" would be a modest description of what would be going on – all you would see is elbows, spit, and vinegar.  It feels like these directions were written by Billy Bats post Pesci beat-down.  Please grab your shinebox, but don't shine your shoes.  Whatever, I'm sick of thinking about this, I'll see you on the dance floor.

And thank Christ that Timberland's Waxium™ contains Bitrex® to prevent accidental ingestion.  I'm hungover and starving.  I look like such shit right now that I'm putting off leaving the house to get food in order to prevent people from seeing me with no gel in my hair.  If not for this Bitrex® I would have been able to eat wax like a king without risking a random encounter with the love of my life in the line at McDonalds.