Moscow — Police in a city in Russia have arrested a man accused of hacking into a video billboard in Moscow last month and showing a pornographic movie that spawned a traffic jam as curious drivers slowed to watch the film.

I’ve always wanted to steal art from a Moscow art museum, and now I have a perfect scheme.  I will hire this hacker to air full-penetration scenes of Dolph Lundgren slamming Russian hookers on these billboards.  During the ensuing traffic jam I will casually steal enough art on foot to make Rene Russo drop to her knees.

(Rene Russo is not good-looking in the Thomas Crown Affair. Thomas Crown should have been sleeping with 10′s, not a desperate Rene Russo.  Thomas Crown is every man’s dream, yet he is into Russo.  It kind of makes me question the fruits of success.)

Dolph Lundgren Porn Scene:  ”Smells crime. Back to the lab, full penetration. Crime. Penetration. Crime. Full penetration. Crime. Penetration. And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.”

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