"I don't Speak Japanese"

Eating raw fish is outlandish.  I eat raw fish; but then again I’m a fucking outlandish guy.  So how did sushi restaurants explode across the USA if their primary course is raw food?

The California Roll.  How brilliant.  A piece of sushi that doesn’t contain any raw fish.  Djarum Clove cigaretts lead to a Newport addiction; marijuana leads to crack addition; and California Rolls lead to Quail Egg addiction.  No body starts feasting on Quail Eggs out of the blue; just like no one embarks on an LSD fueled life without what I would call a “trasitional period”.

As a pubescent someone will push a Cali Roll on you.  Deep down they know that the plethora of raw fish on their plate is bizarre.  So like the strung out degenerate who tries to make you puff a joint, the sushi loving friend tries to get you to ingest the C-Roll.  Next thing you know your pounding D-Rolls, P-Rolls and even fucking Z-Rolls.  By the time your thirty your sprinkling brown rice down your pants, while holding a live eel over your head, as a divorced Asian screams “SAAKKKI!”

So where did it all go wrong?  You never liked raw fish before, and suddenly you got the yellow fever worse than Matt Groening and James L. Brooks.  It went wrong when you confused the shitty taste of sushi with the great taste of soy sauce.  Once you accept the gate-way sushi (California Roll), all the tastes blur.