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Verizon Email Signatures

USA Today – Verizon, on orders from a top secret court, has been handing over call data to national security officials and a day after The Washington Post and The Guardian reported that national security officials have for six years received information from the central servers of nine U.S. Internet companies.

Today thousands of people are posting on Twitter with their Verizon wireless smart-phones about how Twitter and Verizon wireless are spying on them.  I couldn’t care less about it, I just always assumed that the government is able to look at my shit, who cares?  I think there is a much bigger problem with Verizon than the spying – my problem with them is the default email signature that Verizon sets on all new phones.  “Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE DROID”.  If someone sends me an email and at the bottom it says “Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE DROID NEXT GEN SMRT PHONE”, I immediately assume that they have no control over their life.  Go into the settings, and remove that shit dude, it’s making you look like a straight weirdo.  And what makes it worse is that some people in the older generation still don’t have smart-phones, so they don’t know that Verizon forcefully put that message there – they think that you actually typed it.  So if you send your 60 year old boss a work email from your phone, and at the bottom of the email it says  “Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE DROID ROBOT DEVICE OVER 90 GB/SEC SATELLITES”, he has no reason not to assume that you didn’t hammer that sentence in at the end to brag about your smart phone.  That’s a shortcut to the unemployment line if you ask me.  If I’m a boss, and I think some young cunt I hired is bragging about his high end tech at the end of business correspondence, he is getting the ax 10/10 times.  Honestly, how douchy is the string of characters that make up the phrase “Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE iPad 6″?  If I thought anyone ever intentionally typed that into an email while addressing me, they essentially picked up a harmonica and started playing fight music.  Bragging about your new smart phone in an email is like bragging to your friends about how much your father gets laid.  Shit’s straight creepy.

So kids, stop worrying about Verizon spying on you.  If anything you should be honored that someone gives a shit about the #instacollage of your taylor ham, egg & cheese sandwich.  It’s time to re-focus your impotent rage at Verizon’s default email signatures instead; these noxious notes are actually getting people fired.

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