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This is a catastrophe.  Capri Sun will never work in that 64 oz hard-plastic container.  The reason people enjoy Capri Sun is the small squeezable pouch, how the bag decompresses when you drink it, blowing into it so the juice comes back out rapidly, blowing air in and out when finished, feeling the straw sucked up against the pouch like a tiny spine (as if you’re sucking the life out of a living thing), and of course stabbing the top with the tiny straw.  The actual taste of the drink is OK at best, and the portion is abysmal.  Yet the Capri bag is so powerful that it out-wited, outlasted and outplayed Eco-Coolers and Squeeze-Its in the ’90s – two very formidable foes.

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You think Capri got top market share of the novelty children’s drink market by pushing out a quality product?  Fuck no.  It was their dagger like straws and the squeezable bag.

There is however a possible solution for Capri in the 64 oz market.  They need to go with a 64 oz bag.  I’m talking about a fucking huge Capri Sun bag (12″ tall) with a monster straw that has a cap on it.

Capri Fixed

<– Here is a picture of what I’m talking about.  If I see this huge Capri bag in the aisle it’s going in my cart 30/30 times.  Picture turning that thing over and fucking blasting your glass full of goodness with a bag squeeze?  Or turning around and blasting your father in the crotch of his jeans with a 64 oz cannon?  How and why is this not the container they are going with?  They actually paid someone to design a hard-plastic Capri Sun bottle?  That’s like meeting and hiring your own hitman.

 

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