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Keyboard Dusting Girl

PORTER RANCH, Calif. (KTLA) — A 14-year-old honors student died this week after inhaling computer keyboard cleaner, authorities say.  The US Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration’s 2013 National Survey on Drug Use and Health reported over 22.8 million persons had used inhalants, such as keyboard duster.

How is keyboard duster inhalation still a big problem in America?  And I don’t mean “why do people struggle with duster abuse“.  I get it:  it’s a cheap high and it fucks you up; if anything I would expect more people to do it.  What I don’t understand is how is it a problem removing this shit from the shelves of Walgreens and getting it out of the hands of the kids?

dusterTwo major questions immediately come to mind when it comes to keyboard duster:  How dirty is your fucking keyboard that you need pressurized gasses ripping through the clevises to blast out your Dominoes crumbs, eyelashes and dandruff?  No, seriously.  You can’t just use, say, your fucking mouth and gravity?  Blow on it and shake that fucker upside down, your gross face-goo will fall out.  But no, instead people create a demand for duster by going to their stores and spending $7.00 on a can.  The minimum wage in America is $7.25; that means the majority of people creating the demand for duster are willing to work for an hour in order to get the convenience of blasting their disgusting keyboard clean with the click of a button instead of using their mouth and gravity.  A convenience that indirectly leads to children dying.

And my second question: why are they filling these fucking cans with gaseous heroine?  You’re telling me there is NO alternative compressed air other than gaseous meth we can sell to these slobs with full meals under their keys?  Nothing?  They can’t just stuff a bunch of atmosphere into a can, they also have to sneak in a little oxygenated oxycontin in order to make it work?  If simply blowing on your keys can’t get the crumbs out then get a new fucking keyboard you slob.  Kids are dying here; and for what end game  - keyboard cleaning convenience?  What a trivial product to waste lives on.

Imagine pitching this product today, if it never existed.  Imagine going into the Wallgreens headquarters and explaining to the CEO that you have a sweet new product he should sell in all his stores.  The downsides of the product are that it costs $7.00, and will hurt/kill millions of children.  But  the the upside is that you no longer have to blow on your keyboard to clean it, you can just hit a button!

Disclaimer:  If you ban keyboard duster people will find an alternative – like sniffing paints and glues.  But at least paints and glue have a logical purpose for existing.  They have measurable benefits, duster is poison without a purpose (it needs to go).

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