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Rule #1A — When you are on a TV show where you bait horny male/female suitors by wearing slutty clothes and telling tales of bisexuality ~AND~ you date someone who earned his nickname “Lights Out” at Frederick Douglass High School, where he knocked out 4 people in the first half of one game; you can bet your Asian knockers that you are going to get tossed around a little bit. It reminds me of the girls who go jogging in central park at 3am and then get raped. Fuck did you think was going to happen?! Tila, sweety; escorts don’t cry foul after they get paid. Take your MTV money and hire a bodyguard, because your rape card is about as potent as the instruction card in a Bicycle playing card deck.

Jesus Kanye….Jesus. I don’t know if this was even a race thing. I think it’s just him and his ego, eh ah eh…him and his eeegggooo..eh ah eh…he’s got a little…eh ah eh, ego. What’s with the Taylor Swift attack? She is an innocent, sexy chick and was the biggest selling artist of 2008 in America with combined sales of more than four million albums. Plus MTV caters to teenage girls an in-the-closet teenage guys, hence the success of the Jonas Brothers. Personally I think that Miley Sirus should have won the award because she pumps out the hits month after month. When I heard “Party in the USA”, I was like there goes Miley, right back at it again. I wish that Miley had won this award, and when Kanye took the mic from her turned into Hannah Montana and dance-served him. But I also wish I had a wheelbarrow of fifties, and we can’t have everything. Speaking of fifties, how fucking great are they? They are the “new twenty”. They have enough buying power to get you blown, but when you whip one out you don’t feel like someone is going to plot to rob you as like if you were rolling with hundos. They also don’t come out of ATM machines too often, but when they do; ohhhh but when they do.

(Click Image to Enlarge MTF Chart)

As the Yankees casually steamroll into the playoffs with home field advantage throughout, I begin to ponder the MLB playoff structure. What’s up with the first round five game series? Baseball is a game of averages which is played over a 162 game season. Why all the sudden is a quality ball club going to be judged on a microscopic cross section of their talent? I understand that they can’t have eleven game playoff series’ for obvious reasons, but at least give em a fair shake in a seven game set.

As a child, nothing shocked me more than when I found out the absurdly high correlation between home field advantage and winning percentage. Up until then I thought professional athletes were literally divine, or super-human. Then I all of the sudden am told that playing in a foreign city impacts players performance. It still blows me away when I think about it today. I mean do pros as a whole have poor mental thoroughness? To figure this out I came up with a new baseball statistic called the MTF or Mental Toughness Factor (seen above). To find this factor all you do is subtract a team’s home field winning % from their road winning %. This higher this number is, the lower their mental toughness. Hypothetically, teams MTF should be zero, meaning that they are unaffected by road crowds. However, the average MTF in the MLB is 10%! That means that on average, teams in the MLB lose 10% more road games than home games. Fucking unbelievable. Red Sox MTF is 23…figures they would have poor mental toughness up their with all their Milla Lites and Natty Iiiices. (watch video)

I do not understand how T.L.C. ever took off as an acronym. Tender Love and Care, really? I want to start a my own mundane acronym. How about D.C.O.: Dry Clean Only. It’s like: “Dude, don’t throw that shirt in the washer….shit’s DCO.”

RIP DOM DELUISE
(1933-2009)

Sanchez throws for 272 yards and a TD in Jets 24-7 win at Houston. Usually I am a really pessimistic Jets fan, but I have a great feeling about Sanchez. For one, his morale is through the roof. He brings energy and excitement to the table that only a young vibrant rookie can. Farve was good for morale, the only problem with him was that when he bled green, it was of the Green Bay hue. I also have a theory about good looking rookie quarterbacks like Sanchez (no homo?). A good looking rookie NFL quarterback has already completed their goal of signing a huge contract and making the NFL. Even if they do not play well in the league they can still fall back on getting shit loads of pussy as an good looking NFL quarterback. On the other hand, an ugly rookie QB has a lot of pressure to succeed in whatever league he is in because if he fucks up he does not have the puss to fall back on. Hence Sanchez’s poise in the pocket.

Dirty Sanchez – When a man and a woman engage in anal sex, then the man takes his penis and rubs it on the girls upper lip leaving a moustache.