These graphic warning labels are so fucked that they are actually hilarious.  A fucking dead guy?  Really?  You went with the dead guy on the pack.  I know cigs kill, but come on.  99.99% of people who smoke already know that cigarettes are bad for their health but chose to smoke them anyway.

If we are going to put strange warnings on things that are bad for our health, why stop at cigarettes?

How about we put a picture of a dead family that had been killed by carbon monoxide poisoning on every central heating system installed after today.

How about a picture of a hugely obese person, showing the rolls of fat on the legs, belly and arms, placed on every bottle of Coca-Cola?

How about a picture of people killed in impact collisions spray painted on the side of every jet-ski, snowmobile, or ATV?

How about a picture of a survivor of a motorcycle crash emblazoned on every motorcycle sold, showing mangled limbs and large sections of raw flesh scraped off (road rash).

How about a blown up picture of a nasty skin cancer caused by exposure to tanning booths on every tanning shop in the nation?

Or, we could just warn people that there are dangers out there and let them make their own decisions.

There is a phenomenon developing across America’s coffee shops.  Whenever I go to order a cup of Josephine (coffee), the person at the register does one of two things:

1)  They either forget what I ordered by the time they get to the coffee pot.

~OR~

2)  They recall my order from a week prior, right down to the type of sugar and milk I like.

In other words, the person taking your order either has no brain pulse, or a photographic memory.  There is no in between.  I can’t remember the last time I ordered a cup of coffee without the person asking follow up questions.  When asked initially for my order I will say: “Can I please have a medium iced coffee, with (2) Sweet & Lows and Milk”.  Not too difficult to remember.  They will then walk away and proceed to ask the following questions:

a) What size coffee did you say?

b) You said you wanted it iced or hot?

c) How many sugars for you?

d) What type of cream do you want?

I don’t even understand why I give the order to begin with.  When they see a customer walk in, they should just turn around, walk away, and then start firing questions from the pots.  That’s what ends up happening anyway.

Then you have the workers who mentally save your name, and everything about your cup of John for weeks.  Why aren’t these people working for the FBI?  How can you possibly memorize multiple customer names, coffee sizes, temperatures, types of sugar, amounts of sugar and types of milk?  I know I drink a lot of coffee, but I don’t think I’m special here.  I think the people who do this master the orders of hundreds of customers.  Rain Man shit.  It’s a real shame that they end up working in a Dunkins on route 46 instead of as a CIA intelligence officer.  But I guess that’s just the way she goes.

Saddle Brook, NJ – Saddle Brook resident Pat Sayers said Saturday that she remains shaken by the scene she stumbled upon last week at Saddle River County Park — dozens of garbage bags filled with dead geese that had been gassed in the park.

Legislation was approved to gas thousands of geese to death in neighborhood parks.  I’m not a defender of geese, but this is completely fucked.  What’s fucked about it is not the killing of geese; it’s the fact that civilians are punished for animal cruelty daily.  Listen, I would never hurt an animal, I just think it’s hypocritical to lock up Vick then turn around and genocide the shit out of geese.  Are they discriminating between different types of animals?  It is OK to slaughter geese, but if you hurt a dog you go to jail?  I don’t fucking get it at all.  The human complex.

And what’s the problem with geese anyway?  If you’re upset that they shit on the ground, walk around the poo.  If you think geese shit spreads disease, then stop picking up geese shit and putting it in your mouth.  And if you cannot prevent your kids from getting their mits on geese shit, then how are you going to prevent them from getting their hands on the household bleach?

Some have argued that it was geese who took down the US Airways plane that landed in the Hudson.  Listen, just because a few silly geese took down a plane, doesn’t mean you have to kill their entire population over a little poop every now and then.  That is a potential South Park plot, making geese an analogy for terrorists with the US gassing random geese living peacefully in the park.

If everything at Subway is $5, why cant I seem to check out for under $10?

Side note:  Is Jared Fogle still with us?  (alive?)

Skiing is not a sport, it’s just an organized fall down a slippery hill.

Original Edit by ChrisGaldi.com

This video is intended to be a joke, not a fundamentalist atheism ad.

Ryan Dunn died today because he got drunk and drove his car into a tree at 110 mph.  Here is the thing with drunk driving….parents need to teach kids that everybody is fully capable of drinking and driving.  Drinking and driving is not hard at all, it is very similar to driving tired.  However, parents go overboard and tell children that if you drink and drive; you will die.  This is completely wrong.  If you drink and drive you will get to your destination 99.9% of the time without having to deal with a taxi.  However, what ends up happening is that kids eventually try driving buzzed, and since they are taught they should suck at it, they suddenly think that they are the best drunk driver of all time.  Think about it, what else are you told is impossible, and then when you try it for the first time you can do it perfectly fine?  What happens next is what kills people:  They get their confidence up because they think they are a DUI prodigy, so they decide to go 110 mph on the highway.  They think they are a drunk driving prophet, so they think they can also text while driving drunk.

The morale of the story is that DUI is being taught wrong.  Kids need to understand that alcohol will make you want to drive 110 mph with no hands, not that it will make you steer into a tree at 60.  And that’s most likely what happened to poor Ryan Dunn.  He got into that car thinking he was the best drunk driver on the road that night; him and everybody else who died in a crash today.

Review – Despite the fact that the producers of this spectacle have been changing their minds for months now, throwing out directors and story lines, reworking songs and dance numbers and dialogue, the heart of this superhero musical flutters weakly, pumping worn out clichés—and millions of dollars—through its veins.

Whether Vancouver won or lost they were going to riot. Therefore, when they made it to the finals the city was consequently destroyed. It’s a simple cause and effect situation: since a lot of hockey goals were scored in the beginning of the playoffs,the people of Vancouver ruined the place where they live.

By now you have probably seen the picture of the couple hooking up in the middle of the Vancouver riot (above).  Everybody is freaking out about this picture.  I don’t get it.  This isn’t the first time we have seen these two in heat.  Why are people only now begining to talk about them?

Get a room.

For some reason I am constantly approached by determined Evangelists (aka Evangeli).  It’s interesting that they think they can make me religious in between the Paterson and Delawanna NJ transit stops.  I always hit them with really remote questions, like their stance on homosexuality.  It shakes them up bad.  I had a convo the other day that went like this:

Me:  How do you feel about the gays?

Evangelist:  It’s not god’s way.  If everyone on Earth were gay then there would be no more human race because gays can’t reproduce.

Me:  True, true.  But if everyone on Earth was a male Evangelist there would also be no more human race.

Evangelist:  ….no.

Me:  Yes.  Think about it.

I love how these people fail to see that others can have beliefs different from their own.  It’s like, dude, it’s fantastic that you enjoy your religious stuff but keep it to yourself.  All people are different.

And it’s not just Evangelists who try to push their beliefs on other people.  Everybody is guilty of acting this way from time-to-time.  Like, hey ladies..I love that you come in different shapes and sizes.  However, that girl you just called a “skinny anorexic bitch” looks like she actually works out and eats right.  It’s human nature to think that what you do, or how are look is the only way.  People need to chill the fuck out and realize that it’s all relative to you.  And it’s all relative to them.  The universe is too absurd for their to be any sort of right or wrong.  Wright is just a relative of Wong.